Why Teens Should Exercise WISDOM ~By Ja’Rhea Dixon

According to the Urban Dictionary, the word WISDOM means:

Wisdom is knowing what you know as well as what you dont know. Wisdom is not not simply knowing what to do, but doing it.

• “Wisdom is not undermining a person for their weaknesses, but appreciating their strengths differ from yours.”
• “The act of thinking of somethin stupid to say and not saying it.”

 We have a friend who helps us  with this blog and her name is Jarhea. She decided to help us  write what it means to exercise WISDOM.

Why Teens Need to Use and Exercise Wisdom! ~ By Ja’Rhea Dixon

Wisdom  “is a deep understanding and realization of people, things, events or situations. It often requires  having control of one’s emotional reactions.”  When young people lack self control,  they cannot  control their  actions. Wisdom is also “the comprehension of what is true or right coupled with optimum judgment as to action.” I learned that being a young girl at the age of 14 that I really need to use and exercise wisdom. A lot of people my age always ask why?

And this is what I tell them: I had a hard time trying to find myself and finding out who my real friends are. I talked to a lot of woman of age and a woman that just so happens to be my Godmother Jennifer Owens. She  told me that wisdom is very important in a teen’s life. “Why ?” I asked. Her response was:  “ You need to have respect for yourself and others.” Wisdom is very important and if you don’t use it in your everyday life at every part of your day,well you could get your self into a lot of trouble.” “How?” Well things like getting yourself kicked out of school.  Or being on pushiment with your parents. Your mother or father  being very upset with you and feeling like you are not in support of them.  Why put more pressure on your parents? don’t stress out your mom or dad. Being a burden is  the last thing you want to be. right?  You can also pray about  it or ask and talk to a trusted adult. That’s why teens should use and exercise the word: Wisdom!!!

Thanks for your time!

Dignity & Self Respect.

So what is dignity and how closely does it relate to one’s self-respect? 

 Why is important to maintaining self-respect?

 Why is so KEY in setting limits and boundaries in our lives and in protecting your reputation?

•  You have self-regard – you care about yourself and the outcomes in your life.
•  You have character –  you care about your reputation around others.
• You consider what’s important first
• You have morals and values that are taken into consideration
• You have the power to influence your peers
• You have strength to say no, or to  not  be swayed by the crowd
• You have self-worth and your self-worth matters more than “what people think.”
• You have peace of mind about your decisions.
• You  have balance and know what it means to have time to yourself and also time for friends.
• You have  better self-control.
• You have self-possession –  which means  you know what it means to  think through where you are in life and meet your own needs – not being dependent upon others to help meet your needs.
• You have elegance – you know how to carry yourself with ease and  know that doing the right thing connects to your reputation.
• You have COURAGE. ( You’re not afraid to speak your mind and your heart follows the truth.)

 

Parents Just Don’t Understand… or Do they??

What do you think some of the adults in your life have gone through that might be similar to what you have gone through? Most young people think parents cannot understand at all. They think they cannot relate. However, most of the problems we experience today as youth, are not every different from what our parents experienced a long time ago. They may be in greater intensity, or look slightly different, and “respect” may even be on another level, but there is hope. Sometimes getting parents to understand can be the BIGGEST challenge in growing up, but unlike Fresh Prince, (AKA Will Smith- below) there may be more similarities than we think.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ADULTS DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DEAL WITH AS A YOUNG PERSON?

Young lady challenges can vary  far and wide!

Here are only a few…

• Peer Pressure & Bullying
• Pregnancy &  Pressure to Have Sex
• Being a Single mom
• Trust issues
• Being Taken Advantage of by others ( or guys)
• Family issues
• Grades & School Problems
• Gossip
• Being in a Relationship
• Working for/or with parents who are unappreciative
• Secrets

Do you  or your friends experience some of these at times?  If so, you may need to talk to someone to process what you are thinking. Sometimes our peers don’t always offer us  the best advice. Our peers haven’t lived long enough with experience in area where decision-making has been tested and tried – in order for us to count their experiences as valid. If you find it hard to talk to your parent, ask them what their childhood was like, and parents consider finding an adult your young person can trust to confide in regularly whom YOU trust as a parent. Young ladies, ask for help. Experiencing these problems alone can eventually lead to depression, stress,  anxiety and other concerns that could last a long time. It’s better to nip them in the bud while they are  fresh  in your experience and they aren’t leading to MORE problems.

So if you have a parent, take some time to ask her or him what kind of challenges they grew up with. parents, be open to sharing your mistakes and helping them to see where your decision-making went wrong. Practicing humility helps your young person to possibly  see differently. Sometimes we think parents just don’t understand.

“I LIKE ME.”

A video by Kirk Franklin to help you think about liking yourself….

What Good Esteem Really Looks Like…

What Makes Up  Good Self Esteem?

A sense that I am unique.        

This means I believe I am a special person. I accept myself. I like myself.  Knowing  I am different because I am supposed to be different  and that I have  value and character on the inside and out makes me  “especially who  I am.  Find one thing about yourself that is different and cultivate that difference and practice acceptance with it - believing it’s a gift - until you become really  exceptional in practicing it. If I am comfortable with my unique abilities and try my best to learn whatever I need to grow within that area of interest, I can choose to be unique imparting knowledge and wisdom to others about how to be comfortable with who they are, too. I have been a great writer since I was in  grade school. Today,  because I  have cultivated this craft I have read several books, identified who my favorite authors are, I’ve written a book,  joined a few book clubs and studied how to run my own and held online seminars on my own encouraging others  to be good at the craft of writing! It has given me a great desire to be a writer an avid reader and continue to think creatively about writing in my future. 

A sense that I belong.                  

 This means I have value. Value can be interpreted as something of worth. How do you know you are worthy? You first have to determine inside that you are worthy and you allow your identity to guide you in decision-making. Some who feel worthy have good mentors and receive good advice from good role models.they surround themselves with postive people. Sometimes we look to people to make us feel good about ourselves, but cultivating good esteem is a practice.  Everyone can “fit in” by creating their own culture. Determining what you like and don’t like, seeking your common interest  and how they match with others and establishing your worth  and identity in the hobbies you enjoy-  all make up your worth and identity. I like what I bring to the table, even if I am a little different with my thinking. “I belong long before someone accepts me.”   I am of value because I practice self acceptance.

A sense that I have power.    

 This means I am in control of my own life decisions  and I have the skills I need to take the initiative. (  It means I take the first step towards success.)    Taking the initiative is about being the firs tone to choose to do “the next right thing.”  If you are ready and willing to take the next step in making a decision and  have the right attitude, you can make a huge difference in the world by simply being yourself. Choosing positive friend is taking the intiative, being in a club of interest and  seeking out what makes you smile  helps encourage you in the right direction. Determinetoday  to have influence and power and start dreaming!

A sense that I have options.       

This means I can make decisions based upon my own value system. But first, you have to know what your values are.  ( Take some time to determine what your values are by doing further reading on this blog.) If  I have “stinking thinking”  I  limit myself and my ability. Being a  great problem-solver means I choose to make decisions that are for the higher good. It means I make decisions not just thinking of my own best interest, but also with the interest of others in mind as well. Knowing I have options means I use a model for decision-making. I decide what the pros and cons are for anything I must decide. If I consider the BEST OUTCOMES beforehand –  then I can manage to have good success in my future.

If you practice these values with consistency, you will find that your esteem will begin to improve because you are working on a plan to esteem yourself.

 Copyright by Jennifer Owens

Friends & Adults ~As Resources.

WHO Are YOUR Resources?

• Those who COMFORT me.
• Those who HELP ME with new things.
• Those who are my guardian angels (they help PROTECT and keep me safe.)
• Those who LISTEN to me.
• Those who STAND UP for me.
• Those who SUPPORT and BELIEVE in my VALUES.
• Those who remind me and help me KEEP SAFE with my boundaries.
• Those who KNOW ME well.
• Those who UNDERSTAND ME.
• Those who are SENSITIVE to my needs.
• Those who I can TRUST.
• Those who are SUPPORTIVE.
• Those who are DEPENDABLE.
• Those who help me with ADVICE.

My Personal Bill of Rights

 
This is the Personal  Bill of Rights. Many times when young ladies get in relationships they have trouble deciding how to stay true to themselves. Here’s some help. This should be a guideline to help you determine how to have healthy relationships  with others, whether they be your peers or your boyfriends.

 

1. I have the right to ask for what I need.

2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can’t meet.

3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.

4. I have the right to change my mind.

5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.

7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or it violates my values.

8. I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings or prohlems

9. I have the right to expect honesty from others.

 10. I have the right to be uniquely myself.

12. I have the right to feel scared and say ‘I’m afraid.”

13. I have the right to say ‘I don’t know, or.. not now… or  I don’t have an answer.”

14. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.

15.  I have the right to be healthier than those around me.

16. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.

17. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

18. I have the right to change and grow.

19. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.

20. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.

21. I have the right to be happy.

Friends…

What Does Balance (in My Friendships) Look Like?

It’s important that you recognize balance, so that when you have friendships that are unhealthy you know what’s normal and positive in your relationships.

Having Balance  in Youre Friendships is:

• Having friends who think well, reason well and make good decisions.
• Having friends who are emotionally stable are important to have – the less ‘drama’ there is the less you will have crises.
• Having friends who know how to express themselves and feel comfortable communicating is very healthy.
• Friends with peaceful, calm behavior.
• Friends who use good judgment – for instance, can make mistakes and apologize for them, or try to make up for what they may have done wrong is also healthy.
• Friends who support you, and your interests are good to have around.
• Friends who are influential and have good character traits: generous, encouraging, complimentary, non-violent.
• Mature friends – friend show think before they act, and are not impulsive.
• Friend who have a similar ( or better) value system than your own.

What Girls “should do” and “not do” when being bullied…

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Are You Being Bullied?

So you’re being bullied, huh? That can feel pretty awful. But, no matter how bad it makes you feel sometimes, you should know you’re not alone. That’s right … there are plenty of kids all over the world who go through the same things you do every day. And, even though you may feel helpless sometimes, there are a lot of things you and others can do to help stop the bullying. Give these tips a try.

Always tell an adult. It’s hard to talk about serious things with adults sometimes, but they can help put a stop to bullying. Tell an adult that you trust and can talk to – your parents, your teacher, your school counselor, your coach, your neighbor. If you’ve told a grown-up before and they haven’t done anything about it, tell someone else. And if you’re afraid to tell an adult that you have been bullied, get another person – like a friend or a sister or brother – to go with you. Having someone else there to support you can make it a lot less scary. Tell the adults exactly what has happened – who did the bullying, where and when it happened, how long it’s been happening to you, and how it’s making you feel. If you talk with an adult at your school, ask them what they will do to help stop the bullying. It is their job to help keep you safe. Most adults really care about bullying and will do everything they can to help you.

Telling an adult can seem hard. Here are ways some other kids have done this:
Raven
Melanie
Milton

Stay in a group. Kids who bully like to pick on kids who are by themselves a lot– it’s easier and they’re more likely to get away with their bad behavior. If you spend more time with other kids, you may not be an easy “target” and you’ll have others around to help you if you get into a difficult situation!

If it feels safe, try to stand up to the person who is bullying you. If the person who is bullying you thinks you won’t do anything about it, they are more likely to keep picking on you. This doesn’t mean you should fight back or bully them back. Instead, tell the person bullying you that you don’t like it and that they should stop! Keep it simple. You might just say, “Cut it out, Miranda!”, and then walk away. If possible, try to talk to them in a calm voice. Kids who bully often like to see that they can make you upset. If you’re afraid to talk to the person who is bullying you by yourself, then you might want to ask someone else to be there with you. Kids who bully are more likely to listen, and less likely to bully you, when you’re with someone and not alone. If you’re not comfortable standing up to someone who has bullied you, that’s definitely OK! Just walk away. But be sure to tell an adult.

If you are being bullied online, don’t reply. This may actually make the bullying worse. Instead, be sure to tell a family member or another adult you trust. If possible, block any more communications from this person. (For example, it might be a good idea only to accept messages from people you know.) Save evidence of the bullying. If you get a nasty e-mail, print it out or save it so that you can show it to an adult.

Join clubs or take part in activities where you’ll meet other kids. Sometimes, it can help to join clubs or take part in activities that interest you. Think about joining a sports team, taking an art class, or joining a scouting group, for example. You can meet other kids who share your interests and you might make some good friends!

What NOT To Do If You Are Bullied

DON’T…

• Think it’s your fault. Nobody deserves to be bullied!
• Fight back or bully a person back. This probably won’t make things any better and it might get you into big trouble. Besides, you should try to act better than the person who bullies you.
• Keep it to yourself and just hope the bullying will “go away.” It’s normal to want to try to ignore bullying and hope that it will stop–or hope that the person will start to pick on someone else. But, often, bullying won’t stop until adults and other kids get involved. So, be sure to report the bullying.
• Skip school or avoid clubs or sports because you’re afraid of being bullied. Missing out on school or activities that you enjoy isn’t the answer. You have a right to be there!
• Think that you’re a “tattle tale” if you tell an adult that you’ve been bullied. Telling is NOT tattling! It’s the right thing to do.
• Hurt yourself. Some kids who are bullied get so sad and depressed that they may try to hurt themselves because they think there is nothing else they can do. This definitely isn’t the answer. Talk with an adult immediately and tell them how you are feeling. They can help stop the bullying.

Source: http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/are-you-being-bullied.aspx 

Here is a really good resource about girls being buillied and for parents to read as well.

http://nbc.clientmediaserver.com/dateline/

Confidence Is…

 

 I asked about fifteen of my “REAL WOMAN” friends what confidence means to them.

Here are their answers!

 

flowers by Tanya Hampton

Confidence is:

• Choosing not to be ashamed.
• Not losing my voice. SPEAKING UP!
• Trusting myself & knowing how to access the resources I need if I need assistance.
• Trusting my instincts and my thoughts.
• Communicating my boundaries well.
• Spiritual security.
• Awareness.
• Understanding.
• Having more than enough, hope, love, belongingness, having a meaningful history that I can share.
• Not being easily embarrassed.
• Being clear about what’s being said and knowing & stating my opinion about it.
• Humility. (Being fine with what I don’t know).
• Seeing life and death as equal.
• Being willing to ASK FOR HELP with something I think I should already know and then actually LISTENING as though my life depended on it.
• Being able to distinguish my feelings about what happened and what actually happened.
• Being able to handle my emotions (self-control) and find a resource or outlet to keep me centered.
• Whether I am having a confident moment or not, knowing the difference is what matters. 
• When you really know from deep within who you are.
• Being confident in a business situation when I understand the task in front of me
• Being on time, well informed and organized helps me to be confident as well. Not wasting time.
• Constant and consistent companionship and unconditional support in my mate. Having a secure attachment; when my partner treats me in a way that is admirable.
• Having a mate who genuinely loves GOD.
• Having a sense of vulnerability to God’s power .
• When I know  I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and my inner man is intact and I have direct access to the Father.
• When I am healthy and physically fit.
• Feeling good in my own skin.
• Knowing I have a back-up plan, and that GOD has my back.
• Not fearing abandonment or rejection (of people) and being secure in God.
• I exude confidence when I’m living with purpose, operating with passion and walking in obedience. 
• Trusting myself & knowing how to access resource if I need assistance.  
• When I have the love of my family.
• I feel confident when I have balance. I am able to take care of things and be accepting to help and freely ask for help.  
• I feel confident when I am totally sure of myself in any situation.
• I don’t have to change “ME” to suit anyone else.
• I can accept someone else’s ideas/ thoughts, and my expressions and my ideas are totally MINE!!!
• My confidence is all over me when I love who am.
• When I’m fighting strong, no fear of consequences, and I walk strong and tall. I am like a giant in my spirit. 
• When I love me, I like me, I love the way I look, what my mind is on and there is a glow about me. 
• I can greatly bless someone else because I have joy; there’s exuberance in my spirit.   
• I stand my ground in a righteous thing. 
• My purpose is to express my inner self…that is of paramount importance to me, to engage in purposeful, teaching/learning dialogue.
• A compliment is welcomed and received adding to the good feeling I have deep down in my soul.
• When I am gracious and extend grace.
• When I can quietly take care of business.
• When I don’t NEED to say everything I think.
• When I show a good balance with boundaries with myself and with others.
• Not being afraid to express myself.
• When I respect others and respect myself.
• When I stand for righteousness and in what I believe.
• When a woman doesn’t need a man (or a woman) to define their identity.
• My identity is well-rooted and it’s in (God) & not  in the world’s thinking.